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EYES THAT HYPNOTIZE

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EYES THAT HYPNOTIZE

Beitragvon dead_account » Di 15 Jul, 2008 15:17

Hey! Das ist meine Story. Aber auf englisch geschrieben...sie ist noch nicht fertig, aber ich hoffe es finden sich nen paar leser ein die kommentare (tips usw) abgeben!!
Danke im Voraus :D

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EYES THAT HYPNOTIZE



Once upon a time a princess lived in a faraway country called Gandalfya. Her name was Alanis. She was a beautiful lady with long black hair, big, brown-green eyes and a small mouth. Her hands were soft and her skin had the delicate color of chocolate.
Every person in town, whether female or male, whether old or young, admired her looks and her strong personality. They thought the person their children should look up to was her.
Nobody knew the truth about her life. Her story was a long one and if the citizens of her father’s country knew about it, they would surely directly leave the place.
“Esmeralda, would you brush my hair, please?”
Esmeralda, her round shaped servant, beamed and said: “Of course, my love. You have wonderful hair. I consider myself lucky for your permission to see it and touch it.”
Alanis smiled. She was used to compliments as such. She never exclaimed her inner thoughts, though, because she knew she would be thought an arrogant rat. She was clever to hide her secrets, clever enough to hide what there was to hide and to show the world what she wanted to show- and only what she wanted to show.
“How are things between Mum and Dad…are they still fighting?” Alanis asked Esmeralda.
“I’m sorry to say, yes, my dear.” Esmeralda looked at Alanis in an apologetic way. Alanis was happy about her answer, and then again tried to hide her happiness. She kept her eyes opened, so as for them to start watering, and it worked.
“Don’t cry, my dear, everything will be alright…” Esmeralda said and put her arms around Alanis’ shoulders.
“Ahhh…Esmy, if people only knew how hard it is to be a princess…to live in this big castle, bearing everything without defending themselves…I hate it…” she shook her head. She knew that if she had told Esmeralda anything, she would be sent directly to execution. She could trust Esmeralda, but her darkest secrets were thought safest with her, and only with her…
“Thank you Esmeralda. I will get dressed for sleep now. Goodnight.”
Esmeralda bowed. “Goodnight, my love. Sleep tight and sweet dreams.”
After Esmeralda closed the door, Alanis felt a heavy stone in her chest. It was hard to realize that she was using Esmeralda for her dirty plans. It was easy to gain the trust of important people – for her. She could charm any man and impress any female. And this was one of the main reasons her naughty plans always succeed.
At times, she loathed herself for doing what she did, and then again she loathed herself for loathing herself in the first place. But a person who would be watching Alanis would never be able to guess her true emotions. She had an unbelievable control over herself. Even when an angry volcano of anger has its outbursts in her chest, she could have the warmest, most charming smile on her wonderful face.
Alanis locked the door and put off the blue dress she had been wearing all day. She took a blue jeans and a comfortable sweatshirt out of her closet and got dressed quickly. Then she went to the big painting of an exploding volcano and pushed it hard. Without making a sound, it pulled the stone behind it and gave free a toilet sized room. She found the read button quickly and pressed it. The painting started moving back to its original place and Alanis had to hurry to get out in time.
Back in her room, there was now a passageway instead of the closet. She made sure the room was locked and went into the secret passageway. There was another button in there. The pressed it and she knew that the door was sealing itself and the closet came back to its original place. The room looked exactly the way it did before she left it.
She had done this countless times. Nobody knew about the passageway…no one, except the person she was about to meet now.

Serena
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Beitragvon Serena » Mi 16 Jul, 2008 00:20

HP - Freie Geschichten bitte im richtigen Unterforum posten!
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Fleur Clearwater
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Beitragvon Fleur Clearwater » Mi 16 Jul, 2008 13:14

Also, mir gefällt dein Schreibstil sehr, auch wenn es mich im ersten Moment irritiert hat, das du in Englisch schreibst ;) Allgemein finde ich, dass englische Texte einen schöneren Klang haben, als deutsche und auch hier habe ich gleich eine "Lesemelodie" gefunden, wenn du verstehst, was ich meine ;) Mich würde nur interessieren, wen sie jetzt trifft, aber da muss ich meiner Fantasie einfach freien Lauf lassen... ;)
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Beitragvon dead_account » Mi 16 Jul, 2008 13:23

nein es geht ja weiter!!! ;) du wirst es schon bald erfahren!!
danke für deinen kommi ;)

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Beitragvon Fleur Clearwater » Mi 16 Jul, 2008 13:37

Ja, gut, dann bleib ich gespannt ;)
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Beitragvon dead_account » Do 17 Jul, 2008 01:30

es geht weiter:

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She went through the tunnel without a trace of fear. A certain excitement rushed through her body, and her desire grew stronger than ever. It would not be long and she would meet him. She took a curve and walked on. She ran the last few steps and stopped infront of a door.
She leaned against the door and put her cheek on it too.
"Darling..I'm here, darling..." she whispered.
"I'm coming...don't speak in such a loud voice!"
"Open up...and don't tell me what to do! You know how I hate that!"
"Calm down...and step back" he said impatiently.
"Say please" she replied angrily.
"Come on, Alanis! You know I need to burn down the door, else you cant enter! Please step back, it's for your own safety."
She stepped back and waited. She heard the liquid splash against the door, and soon after that, the door started burning away. As soon as the fire stopped, she went through and enterned the new place.
"Finally..! I missed you." he smiled at me. She smiled back. "Locked the door?"
"Of my room? Of course...what a silly question!" she replied, feeling slightly annoyed at his tendency of always worrying about her and treating her like a silly girl. He smiled.
"Your arrogance kills me everyday..but maybe this is what I love about you so much." he said with a soft voice.
"Arrogance?" she laughed. "Oh come on!" She gave him her sweetest smile. "How can you say I'm arrogant?"
His face expression softened, and he pulled her towards him.
"You're right. An angel like you..an angel like you looking so down-to-earth with such beautiful eyes can't possibly be arrogant...right?"
She laughed. "I don't know...they say love is blind sometimes...what do you think?"
"I think I'm totally blinded, then"
She put her arms around his neck and gave him a long kiss.
"Baby, I can't live without you. I hate that we have to do this in secret..." he said, looking sad.
"Come on...this gives glamour...I like it this way...secretly...with a risk...ohh I love this word!" she blinked. He put his hand on her head. "You're special in thinking this way. Maybe this is also what I love about you this much."
"Oh come on...arrogance...me being special...what's wrong with you?" she smiled. But suddenly her face hardened.
"We have to start working."
"Come on, we have all night to do this!" he said, cealry disappointed. "I haven't seen you since along time...why don't we sit down and talk?"
They were in a large room, looking quite like a normal adequate sitting room. There were papers all over the table for their plans.
Alanis met this guy in order to get the help she needed for her plans. She didn't love him back, but her ability to hide expressions and feelings, to impress and to act innocent covered her true emotions. He, a silly guy, who was seriously blindly in love, thought she loved him back and would never think in another way about her.


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Fortsetzung folgt

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Beitragvon Fleur Clearwater » Do 17 Jul, 2008 10:51

Wieder schön geschrieben - jetzt wird's spannend ;)
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Beitragvon dead_account » Sa 19 Jul, 2008 01:44

danke sehr :D und es geht weiter!

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"Come on...just a talk..." he said pleading.
She had to control herself to the maximum in order not to lose control.
"We can talk later." She left him standing where he was and went to the table. There were large papers with drawings of the building. How she hated it. How she hated living here.
She could not escape, because it was in her nature to fight back, and because she would be directly found if she attempted to escape.
So she had to plan it all very well.
"You know, Alanis, I still suggest that we both just run away" Santiago, the guy, said.
"This might seem like the easiest thing to do. But the easiest thing is not necessarily the correct thing." She sat down on the table and started thinking hard.
"I think I finally have an idea." she said. She thoughtfully looked at him and wondered if he would be ready to do what she wanted him to do.
"What is it?" he said, slightly annoyed at the fact that they were doing, once again, what she wanted to do. He never had a word to say, but he had to get used to that. He knew this would make problems later on, but he didn't care, as long as he was with her, his world was all happy. He would sacrifice anything just to be with her.
"Well...I doubt that you will do it for me..so..." she started saying hesitatingly.
"Alanis" he looked her deeply in the eyes.
"Yes" she whispered.
"Alanis...I love you and I would do anything for you!"
"Everything?"
"Everything"
"Would you hurt people for me?"
"I would"
"Would you lie for me?"
"I would!"
"And would you murder for me?" she asked, holding her breath.
He looked at her for one moment.
"Excuse me?" he said.
"Would you murder for me?" she said, with a clear voice.
He stared at her.
"I would!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Alanis, I would do anything...anything for you...as crazy as it might seem..."
"Good. Then hopefully the plan shall succeed. Come here, let me give you a kiss."


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Fortsetzung folgt

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Beitragvon Fleur Clearwater » Sa 19 Jul, 2008 07:26

Was soll ich dazu sagen ... es ist ein bisschen kürzer als vorher, was allerdings der Qualität nicht schadet ;) Weiter so!
Bin ich denn die einzige, die das liest?
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Beitragvon dead_account » Sa 19 Jul, 2008 13:15

ja es sieht so aus!
schade irgendwie...
aber was soll's dann ist die story eben nur für dich ;)
danke für deine netten kommentare :D hdl